Wednesday, November 4, 2009

101 Reasons Star Wars is No Longer Relevant To Me

The other night a commercial came on for the clone wars upcoming episode on cartoon network.My wife asked me if i had been watching the new season and i said i hadn't.Whats the point?Watch Anakin defy Obi Wans orders and then watch lots of robots die while General Grieveous retreats.Wash-Rinse-Repeat.I don't love Star Wars the way i used to.

For those who don't know me i used to BLEED Star Wars.Being an 8 year old in 1977 and seeing that film blew me away.Before Star Wars the best science fiction i had been exposed to may have been Space 1999.Star Wars took science fiction to the next level.Then proceded to blast the shit out of it with lasers while Wookies tore its arms off.Then Star Wars took it to a seedy Mos Eisly bar and bought it a drink because it owned it.I have 2 large Star Wars tattoos.I can recite the entire first film,line for line.I know i've seen the origonals well over 100 times each.I have read a lot of the expaned universe stuff.I used to collect the toys quite extensively.I have several Star Wars actors autographs.If i had my way my sons first name would be Darth.What i'm trying to say is i have had a love affair with Star Wars for over 30 years.But the affair is over.I left Star Wars.

I can't take the continued raping and re-cutting of the original films.

I am tired of defending a man who couldn't write a commercial.

I can't watch a thing that was special to me become a product.

With this and upcoming posts(101 in all) i am going to attempt ,for myself,as well as others to figure out just what has destroyed this relationship.I will reflect on this more than any past relationship in my life.Its that important.I will use other sites,blogs,and web pages to help me and will site references if and when i can.So here we go...

101 JAR JAR Binks

Lets just get this catastrophe out of the way now.George Lucas was so hell bent on being the first director to have an entire actor be CGI that he created this monster.Everything about this character is horrible.The design,the speech impediment,the walk.And the CGI isn't even that good.Someone once put whats so fucked about Jar Jar like this(I am so sorry i don't remember where i read this).So in Phantom Menace Jar Jar is taking Obi Wan and Quigon to his under water home.When he gets to the edge of the lake does he walk in the water?Creep like an alligator?Nope ,he jumps in the air, defies gravity, and does 3 flips before doing a perfect dive into the water.Horrible,horrible writing.A few years later Lord Of The Rings director Peter Jackson created a CGI character so well done there was talk of an academy award for a CGI character.


99 "I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything's soft... and smooth..." (He touches her arm.)


I know some people try to justify this by saying"that's what Anakin looked like before he turned".Well i agree but how WOULD LUKE KNOW!?!?!

97 Remember in Empire Strikes Back and Han flys into the asteroid field chased by Imperials and 3po says "Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1." To which Solo responds: "Never tell me the odds." Great scene.In the prequels and in clone wars they do it on a regular basis and no one bats an eye.There is no danger and hence, no emotion.

96 Vader built C3-PO.

95 Han Shot First!

What makes this recut Lucas did even more infuriating is on the set of the last Indiana Jones film pictures were taken of George Lucas WEARING A HAN SHOT FIRST SHIRT!!

To Be Continued...


  1. I've been watching this British TV show "Spaced" by Simon Pegg from "Shaun of the Dead", and there's an episode where he gets fired from his job at a comic shop because he hates Jar Jar Binks. It's a very good show.

    Anyway... so far I agree with you... except for the "become a product" comment. That's always been a part of Star Wars, but I suppose the real difference is the "kind" of product that it's become.

  2. Fired for Hating jarjar!?!?LOL

    Ya know i felt wierd when i wrote the "product" sentence but i left it in because it just felt right.i guess a longer version should have said It seemed the story came first with the films(prequels included to a lesser extent) and then the products followed.I see star wars now as just product.The clone wars is a long commercial to buy star wars stuff.pajamas,toys,costumes etc.