Monday, March 7, 2011

Reviews, NetflixHell, If Your Gonna Steal.....

If you have read any of my ramblings you've probably noticed i am not a very good writer. Some people start blogging to show of their writing prowess, others are just blessed with the skills to put prose to keyboard. My lack of any kind of writing skill has prevented me from doing reviews. Hell, half the time I'm trying my hardest not to write one long run on sentence. But my friend Frank has changed my mind. He writes the wonderful NetflixHell. A minimalist movie review blog.
Now I'm not inferring he can't write, in fact i think he's a very good writer. What has influenced me is his style of writing. Example- here is his review of The Kids Are Alright.
The Kids Are All Right (2010)
Long term lesbian couple Julianne Moore and Annette Bening's teenage kids track down their biological father, sperm donor Mark Ruffalo. Soon he's infiltrating their perfect Hollywood lesbo lives, much to the chagrin of the dominant partner (Bening). The characters seem like "types", and they all come off one-dimensional despite a talented cast. I didn't laugh when I was supposed to, I didn't cry when I was supposed to, and I didn't learn anything about anyone here. This movie is all right, but only just. This has to be the most overrated film of the year.

Or The Human Centipede.
The Human Centipede: First Sequence (2009)
Neat idea and a great lesson on how effective the power of suggestion can be. Sure, it's got an evil German doctor, bimbo actresses who can't act, and plenty of gore. But what really makes this slightly better than your average horror film is the welcome addition of camp humor, a mainstay of 70s horror. That, and the thought of facial disfigurement, anal tearing, and shit eating.

You see, Frank has shown me i don't need to write a review like Siskel or Ebert. I don't have to list plots or summaries. My reviews will be my impressions. Simple, blunt, and befitting my horrendous writing style. To that wit i saw Crazy Heart yesterday, here dear readers is my first review...

Crazy Heart (2009)
Jeff Bridges plays an old alcoholic "never made it" country music star. It's always a pleasure to watch Bridges and this is no exception. My wife found it strange how an actor who used to be "good looking" has really got the bloated look down for his later year parts. Maggie Gyllenhaal is in this, and much like in Dark Knight i find her face distracting. It makes weird faces, like its made of putty. I also noticed she has no ass. Bridges has to sing in this and its not entirely terrible. Colin Farrel does as well with opposite results. Robert Duvall shows up being Robert Duvall but that's not a bad thing. My wife told me Bridges won an Oscar for this role. Every time i see him it makes me realize how much i love Fisher King and Big Lebowski respectively.

Worth Watching.


  1. "I also noticed she has no ass." the best observation/comment ever. And she does have a weird face.

  2. I actually enjoy your writing. "no ass" hilarious.

    You also just made me want to get The Fisher King and re-watch that one. It has been years. Probably Robin Williams best dramatic role after The World According to Garp.